...But it'd make great TV! It's violent AND it has lawyers!

In fact it has violence against lawyers! What's not to like? There's almost nothing to add here, except that I, too, wish the fistfight had been allowed to take place. Alas, the judge apparently has no sense of humor.

You know you have a WOW addiction when ...

1)Your 9 mo pregnant wife awakes you for her STRONG RECURRING PAINS; and you announce that so-and-so's gaming self got totally trounced by horde last night. Then you roll over, and go back to sleep.

2)You awaken in the wee hours to find (to your dismay!) your wife has no health bar over her. Odd, that.

3)You inquire (at4am!!) if she's in your ZT(ct?) raid group? If she's not, that would explain it...

BirthDay: take 3 (sorry, the story has to go somewhere)

I dreamed that I was experiencing someone else's labor pains. (Hey, denial runs deep here.) I woke up. I discovered the pains were mine. I got up, went to the bathroom, and back to bed. wow. Pretty painful. I decided to inform the Administrator of the SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION.

He in turn informed me with slurred tounge that the Horde overran "so-and-so". I informed him that I didn't CARE about "so-and-so", OR the Horde that trounced his gaming self; I. WAS. IN. PAIN.

Whereupon the Network Administrator bestired himself to rub my back and ask if this was really labor? And was I sure? Should we go in? I said I didn't know. But after a few more increasingly painful reflections on the matter at hand, I decided that if this was false labor, I still wanted an epidural for it.

The NA called grandma, who told him she'd be over in about 15min. Insert conniption of laboring woman:
"Fifteen Minutes! We don't have fifteen minutes! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING!!!!" forte

I threw on my sneakers and coat. No time for socks. And in my pajama bottoms (it just had to be the ones decorated with fat penguins in scarves) and whatever shirt I had on, I waddled for the car. The NA followed. Who informed me, amidst the increasing crescendo of yells and moaning, that no matter WHAT HAPPENED I was NOT to grab the wheel of the car. I told him I had no intention of doing so, and to please GO FASTER! AND RUN THAT RED!!

Well. We made it to the mommy and baby section of the hospital. I hobbled up to the door. First doors opened. The second doors did not. I panicked and started pounding and shouting like the sensible college graduate that I am. What did I shout? Umm, well it was something along the lines that I didn't want to have my baby in the entry of the hospital, and would someone be kind enough to help. Only I said it loudly, and I failed to use my happy voice.

The NA, blessed icon of stunning calmness, reached over and used the intercom: "Could a person please let us in? We're locked out."

Cheery not-in-labor person: "Okay! I'll be out there in just a few minutes."

Me(screaming): "I don't HAVE a few minutes!!!! I DON'T want to have this baby in the VESTIBULE!!! Is she a blithering IDIOT??"

And so after waiting a little while I got on the intercom and begged. And pleaded. Please, please could they let me in? I tried to find a remnant of my nice voice.

A nurse finally came and ushered us in. The staff were determinedly cheerful and bouncy. "My! Somebody sounds like they're in pain!" as I passed the nurses' station. That, and "It looks like we're going to have a BABY here!" No kidding, Sherlock!

Meanwhile, I was singlehandedly creating the impression that China (to paraphrase the NA) had decided to outsource its interrogations to the American Midwest. (And let me simply say that there's nothing worse than yelling, "I can't do this!" knowing beyond a shadow of doubt you're going to anyway.) Minutes later 3 of 3 was out and squalling nicely.


Glad we made it. But wouldn't it have been hilarious if my husband, may he live forever, had to deliver it himself? HA!

.........Yeah, you're right. Probably wouldn't have phased him.

Affordable or Overvalued?

Real estate has been touted in our area as "very affordable". Therefore, goes the reasoning, no bubble exists. I contend that it is affordable but still overvalued.

Let's think about buying a car. There are lots of used cars at the dealership. The median price is $15,000. Pretty inexpensive, huh? What if I tell you that they are all older, rusted Ford Tempos that don't run so well. Overvalued? Most definitely. So here we have affordable, but overvalued. And just for fun let's add in a steadily increasing finance rate and an average income just above minimum wage. How many "buyers" would you expect to attract to this dealership? Hmmm. Few to none. Thusly, as of last fall we had close to 6 mo. of inventory sitting on the market.

But it's so AFFORDABLE!!! Yes, there are a lot of very affordable Ford Tempos out in the real estate world. Do I want to buy one of them? NO. I can rent-a-wreck for less.

What if?

“What if your dreams and fears existed in the same place?

What if to get to heaven you had to brave hell?

What if everything you’d ever wanted would cost you everything you’ve ever achieved?

Would you still go there?”

I queried my husband in all seriousness. Deep, man. Like heavy, dude.

His response?

"What if I could slap silly anybody who asked stupid questions?", to which I burst out laughing.

Never take anybody, especially yourself(or any surfer from California), too seriously. It's why I married the NA and not somebody else.

What to Do in the Event of a Hurricane

...in Illinois. It seems the local tv news crew has got yer tailfeathers covered. But I'm nervous: no tsunami advice ANYWHERE on the website. Horrors! No high ground to run to. WHATEVER will I do?! You know, just in case - got to have a disaster plan...


/sarcasm

Kids

I love my kids. The comic relief is absolutely priceless. As I am now getting rounder by the minute, I like to take breaks and rest on my bed occasionally. I was taking one such rest the other day, and I heard kersplunk, kersplunk. [A university should research the amazing talent of mommies to pick out different sounds with such incredible accuracy.] It's not a sound I normally hear; and in my business (as in yours I'm sure), anything new or unexpected generally portends bad things. The kersplunk sounded like...a plunger or other firm object getting repeatedly dunked into the toilet. Not good.

"1 of 3! What are you putting in the toilet? ...... What's in the toilet?"
"Nothing, Moooom."
Don't tell me nothing, kiddo....
"WHAT is IN the TOILET?"
"Nothing, Mom, just poop."
We have taken a definite turn for the worse...I thought the plunger was bad enough. We have now established that the toilet is poop-filled AND that someone has been sloshing something in and out of it. God grant me patience. I am now in the bathroom with the child.
"WHAT were you dunking into the toilet? The plunger?"
Or was it my toothbrush? Please let it be the plunger.
"Ummmmm. My hands?"
Oh yuck...
"Wash NOW. Thoroughly. With soap. And scrub. For a long time."
You can hug me next year...


She does try to be helpful. For a 5yr old. The other weekend I walked in the bathroom to find sopping wet terrycloth towels all slopped on the countertop next to the bathroom sink. My mind flashed back to the toilet episode. HOW exactly did these small towels get so wet? If I were a crime scene investigator... Even so, I wasn't prepared for this one.


"What on earth are all these towels doing in here? Why are they dripping wet? Who did this? Why?...Who???"
"Um. That...that would be me, Mom." There stands my darling princess of toilet dipping notoriety.
"How did they get wet? What on earth were you DOING?"
"Well, I was helping Lars [our substantially sized and lazy feline] to wash himself. In all the places he can't get to with his head."


There are times when I would so dearly like to hear the cat's thoughts: his joy at being helped so generously with his toiletries, the gentle slap of cold wet rag on his fur and in his ears. Not sure I would let my kids listen to those thoughts. heh heh. My husband would probably pay money to hear 'em. The Net admin would probably record the tirade and replay it repeatedly.